ALWAYS ON YOUR MIND

ALWAYS ON YOUR MIND

Mamma, why did you do it to me?

Why? Why did you do it?

Why did you do it to me?

Mamma was it the rejection by your boyfriend; my father?

That he relished the honey with you,

But refused to share the bee’s sting in equal measure?

Was it because he dumped you after calling you a lot of sweet-nothings ?

And eating your sweet potato?

Mamma, my father was to blame, not me.

But you, in your stupidity directed your wrath to me

For this mamma, I will always be on your mind

Mamma was it that you feared your mother’s reproach?

My grandmother, you thought would surely skin you alive.

Was it so?

She would surely call you a disgrace to the family.

Which you actually were!

And so in your ego-centric thoughts decided to do away with me.

For all you minded was you.

But mamma did you at any one time mind about me?

My pain, my cries, my loneliness,

Did you mind that?

For this, I will always be on your mind.

Mamma, you feared your stern dad

And what he would probably do

But mamma did you at any one time pity me?

The drugs you took cut me like sharp razor- blades.

I bled, I cried, I turned, I rolled…..

The seething pain was unbearable.

And after that…

You disposed me into a latrine

A foul-smelling, dark latrine.

There the acids corrode my fetal, soft skin.

I wailed and lamented.

Did you hear my wails?

Or were you busy rejoicing that the burden was gone!

Me? The burden?

Where was your humane?

For this, I will always be on your mind.

Mamma, is it that you feared the torment that you would suffer from your friends?

Their jeers, taunting and boos?

Calling you a teenage-mother?

Was that so?

But did you at any one time, mind about me?

You did not even give me a chance to have friends to boo me.

Why were so unjust?

For this, I will always be on your mind.

You feared losing your education.

You were a brilliant student in school.

Teachers praised and saw hope in you.

Was it because of this that you murdered me in cold bloods?

So that you could achieve your aspirations?

But did you at any one time mind my aspirations?

I always wanted to be an engineer.

An adept, skilled and competent Aeronautical engineer!

Fixing aero planes and helicopters!

But you shattered all these dreams!

For this mamma, I will always be on your mind.

It is twenty years since you aborted me, yet

You have no kid.

You are successful but unhappy.

You regret ever killing me.

But did you mind when you did it?

I will always be your nightmare!

I will haunt you, I will torment you!

I WILL ALWAYS BE ON YOUR MIND!


By James Njenga